I've not posted much since there isn't much to say. I'm still living in a hospital bed in Jen's living room -- 6 weeks down and a minimum (as the doc's keep reminding me) of at least 6 more weeks to go. Still, a halfway there point I suppose. Once I get the ok to start weight bearing on the leg, I'm still gonna be faced with that whole learning to walk again thing so who knows when my 'normal' will return.
My landlord sent me a 60 day notice to move, via registered mail, in early March because they want to move back in. I have to be outta the house by the bay no later than May 10th. I won't be walking yet by then -- I figure the earliest I'll be able to start weight bearing will be somewhere around May 15th or so -- so am going to have to rely on help from others to pack up my stuff. I can't even get up the stairs to show those helping what's mine and what isn't -- the place was rented furnished but I've accumulated a lotta stuff in the almost 4 years I was there. Have no idea where I'll live but know I should move outta Jen's living room before Mike's daughters' get here for their annual summer break visit with their dad -- they should be here by the end of May at the latest. I hear this clock ticking down the days in my head and have a hard time turning off that sound.
Too much to think about and too much up in the air -- it unsettles me because I don't know the answer to anything and thinking about it just gets me upset and reminds me of how little control I have over everything. I keep trying to remind myself that when faced with no control, I still have control over my reaction but I gotta admit its forking hard to keep being positive and not wallowing. My days all run together -- the sameness of each day as viewed from this bed is so monotonous.
On the plus side, Stephanie took me out today -- and it was NOT for a doctor appt. We went to Target to get a few things -- she wheeled me around the store in my wheelchair and I put the little store basket on my lap. By the time we got to the cash register it was heavy and full but totally worth it! Its been a long time since I had a outing and it really did lift my spirits.
Julianna's first birthday party is one week from today. Hard to believe its been almost a year since she was born -- grandbabies sure make the time fly faster than it did when my babies were babies. April 9th she is going to be an entire year old. Seems like just yesterday that I was there as she took her first breath and watching her looking at her new world and now she's taking steps. Time goes by so fast when it comes to her and yet so slow when it comes to this hospital bed.
Einstein was right -- time is relative.
I hear you!!
ReplyDeletehey onefly - thanks dood
DeleteSuz, can you dream up your dream next location? Let's start visualizing it since there is a little time? I think that will get some energy moving (heh) in the down-time, so let's hear where and what your dream spot would be, and we'll all get it done, together!
ReplyDeletebg -- i have no idea of where -- i haven't been able to visualize a blasted thing. i am limited by a very small budget and am trying to reconcile myself to being stuck in a dumpy apartment where the 'view' is of the parking lot or the laundry room and/or another building smack dab up against the window.
DeleteWe need to find a way to get her back to Santa Cruz n all them DFH's . . . all that fresh salt air, great music, n food. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI see an upscale trailer, near a beach maybe, buoys clangin in time with the fog horns n seals barking in the late night fog . . . a plate of mesquite grilled fresh halibut, some clams in butter n garlic sauce, a few oysters with lime, cilantro, splash of Tapatio hot sauce and a shot of Hornito's with each one. Grilled shrimp skewers basted with basil/garlic pesto . . . yeah, that's the ticket!
larue -- you are forgetting i had to leave ca because i could not afford to live there. going back to ca would be a failure of my time up here -- a waste of almost 4 years kinda thing -- going backwards instead of moving forward.
DeleteGah! Best wishes on finding a decent place. There ain't nothin' like being kicked while yer already down.
ReplyDeletehey entropy -- thanks. i'm fond of saying that if it wasn't for bad luck i would have no luck at all :)
Deletei figure karma is sending me a big kick in the pants message that it is time for me to move -- and to move on. i'm no longer needing the solitude and peace and quiet that came from my hermit life out on the bay. i'll certainly miss the eye candy views and having eagles for neighbors but i have to acknowledge that i'm not in dire need of the peaceful retreat by the bay - like i was when i moved there.
besides, the docs have been pretty clear that it was unlikely that i would be able to return -- there are a lotta stairs there and stairs are not to be in my future. gonna need to find a ground floor place that my legs like instead of the quiet restful place that my soul needed.
Have you looked at (gasp) senior low income housing. Seems there should be some around. There certainly is a lot of it here abouts.
ReplyDeletei've been looking at them mary. gonna talk to the social worker next week about them and find out if there is a disabled assistance program or similar that could help with the housing search.
Deletei've absolutely got to have ground floor and it would be best to have an in unit washer dryer but if that's not what's available with my tight budget, then the laundry room has to be very close - as does where the trash goes. parking has to be close by too. i hate apartments but it looks like that's what i'm gonna have to settle with. at least on a 'for now' basis.
a friend suggested i look for a place that has one of those big box vans that takes ya to the store and other places - since i can't drive yet. a for now place until i get my feet back on solid ground again. and cheap, its gotta be cheap.